Our Cafe Loyalty Card has been in circulation for four years. It offers a free purr on the tenth visit. We have therefore decided to investigate how many customers have ever received one.
Method
The audit was conducted by our accountant, Ledger, who spent a week in the back room with a lamp. He counted cards, stamps, and the odd bite mark. He recorded all findings in a notebook. The notebook is now a cat bed.
Findings
Of the two thousand one hundred and seven cards issued, we found:
- Nine hundred cards with a single stamp, usually from a visit on a Saturday when the queue was too long to continue.
- Six hundred cards with two to four stamps, belonging to people who moved away.
- Four hundred and one cards with five to nine stamps, belonging to people who are, as we speak, within one visit of a reward.
- Zero cards with ten stamps.
Why this matters
The absence of a tenth stamp is not an accident. It is a product of design. Our stamps are applied by a cat, in a place the cat chooses, and in a manner the cat prefers. The stamp is therefore not a stamp. It is a paw print on a piece of card.
The reward
The free purr is not a purr in the way our customers understand the word. It is a purr in the sense that a cat nearby will be asked, on request, to purr. Whether the cat will do so is a matter outside our control.
Customer feedback
We spoke to a customer named Mr Truffle, who is on nine stamps. He said, “I am not sure I want the tenth. I think I love the idea of it.” We think that is the healthiest relationship anyone has had with our business.
Recommendations
- Introduce a stamp by the cat’s own consent.
- Review the policy of rewarding people who sit still.
- Promote Ledger to a role where he can retire.
Conclusion
The audit concluded that the loyalty card is working exactly as intended. Customers return, the cat is happy, and nobody has ever been given a free purr. We shall continue to monitor the situation, from a warm spot, with our eyes closed.