Purrcolator Cafe closes at 6 PM. This is displayed on the door, on the menu and on the receipt. It is also ignored by every person who has ever read it. For those who wish to leave gracefully, we offer the following guide.
Stage one: the signal
At 5:45 PM, Espresso Paws will begin to wash. This is the first signal. He will wash a paw, then another, then an ear. If you watch closely, he will also look at the clock. He cannot read it, but he looks anyway, out of respect.
Stage two: the stack
At 5:50 PM, the staff will begin stacking chairs. The sound is loud and metallic and entirely deliberate. It is intended to remind you that the chairs are not yours. Many customers respond by clutching their chair.
Stage three: the lights
At 5:55 PM, the lights will be dimmed. This does not make the room romantic. It makes the room tired. At this point, a customer who is wise will lift their coat and say, quietly, “I was just going.”
Stage four: the cat
At 6 PM, Madame Whiskerton will cross the floor and sit in front of the door. She will not block it. She will simply sit in front of it, in the manner of someone who has already won. She will be joined by two other cats.
What not to do
- Do not ask for one last coffee. The machine has been switched off, and Espresso Paws has been asked to lie on it.
- Do not say you will “just finish this chapter”. The chapter will be longer than you think.
- Do not sit on the sofa. It is the cat’s.
What to do
Say thank you. Gather your things. Leave a tip, and watch the tip become a cat’s bed. Walk out of the door, with a nod to the sentries, and know that you have been part of something larger than yourself, a business with no closing time, only a gentle suggestion.
Tomorrow
We open at 6 AM. We will be here. So, in all likelihood, will you.